Day 2 of my Not so famous biography :)

I resigned from my job on 30 November 2010 as it wasn’t for me.  Brave or stupid?  I’ll find out soon.  For right now I’d like to believe it was the right decision.  I was unhappy there, very unhappy.

One day, on the way to work a thought crossed my mind: what friends would say if I died.  After all when a person dies she or he is remembered by something or because of something they did, etc.
The answer to that question was that I would be remembered as somebody who was miserable and unhappy at work and didn’t do anything about it so I had to take some actions.
I should know better, I have one life.
I used to leave my home just after 7:00am and come back after work at about 7:30pm on good days and without any delays on the tube.  Then dinner, tidy up and get ready for bed so I can get up at 6:00am the next morning.
All of this makes sense if one has a reason for doing it so (husband, children, family, future, etc.).  Right now I'm at a point where I don't have any of this so I have to find another reason.
I want to concentrate on my career as this is all I have at the moment.
A career was something I didn't have in the company I used to work for.  I took the risk and resigned without having another job to go to.

I want to have time to think about me, have some me time and concentrate on me.
I want to think what I want to do, where I want to work (maybe change countries?), where I want to be and most importantly who I want to be.

I always wanted to write and this time off that I'm having right now gave me a chance to set up this blog and write.

Am I scared?  Of course I am.  I took the risk, it was my decision but I have to remember there is only me who looks after me.

And, o gosh, I would like to believe that "when one door closes, another one opens" is really true. 

Almost "just another day"

I want to write about me and thought if I create a blog then it will be more fashionable or perhaps some people might even read about me.
My not so famous biography!

A friend asked me when do I stop ticking the box where it says "widow" and start putting an "x" in the box where it says "single". I don't know. I have no idea when one changes the status. When one feels ready perhaps? I don't know.  I would like to think I am ready.

I lost my husband to cancer in April 2009.  We got married in December 1998 and would celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary this December. Instead I'm ticking the "widow" box and still cook for 2 as can't get used to cooking for 1!  Plus supermarkets should have more "dinner for 1" meals:)
I still wear my engagement and the wedding ring and when asked what my husband does for living I talk about him like he was alive.
Is easier this way as people don't know how to react when I tell them I'm a widow. I tried to tell the truth and was greeted by "oh", "sad", "really" or just "sorry" and conversations end and awkward silence falls. So then I put a brave face on and say: "that's OK, I'm fine" and feel like I have to cheer them up instead.
I'm too young to be a widow but yet it happens. Or I'm not young or old, bad age to be a widow.
I try not to give up and stay strong or I believe that is the case.

I am 36 and today is or would have been our 12th wedding anniversary.