I haven't been blogging much lately. I do write though and write a lot. A day doesn't go by without me scribbling something somewhere, usually on my Blackberry as I carry it with me everywhere and this way is more convenient and easier to write down my thoughts.
Is my birthday tomorrow and I really ought to analyse what I have done so far with my life to make sure I'm not wasting it.
Well...to start with I don't have a job (I still believe I did the right thing by resigning) and desperately waiting for a break!
I have been good with trying to move on with my life and not to waste it but really would do with a break here!
It's a new year! Is going to be my year!
I don't like the number though but still, is going to be my year. Well I liked the previous figures and they were not really my years at all so... 2011 is going to be my year!
I haven't made any resolutions but have a long term plan:
1. Find myself again and define me as an individual, single woman
2. Find a job or even better, a career whether it is in London or New York
3. Renovate my apartment or if there is anything equally as good as this one then buy a new place
4. Find a relationship.
This is in an ideal world but hopefully that's how my life will evolve after the period of stagnation which (hopefully) is coming to the end.
I had a very pleasant evening yesterday. Pre-birthday champagne evening.
A friend of mine came to see me. He gave me an interesting poster which is already on my wall!
There is the art Deco theme going on in some of the cards shops which I absolutely adore! The poster is very much in this theme too, so 2 points for you my friend for getting the poster for me!
Actually, I'm not sure if I can call him a friend.
I like him, a like him a lot but he is in a messy situation ("coming to an end marriage" situation). He was already in it when we met and still is. So no change there and I don't believe this will change any time soon and that is the reason why we can't move on from being friends who kiss and cuddle to something more.
I pushed him away so many times but he keeps coming back.
How can I let myself get involved in something so messy! Don't I deserve better than to be second in a man's life? Is that true? Am I living in a fantasy world, dreaming about being loved again and being the one and only, the number one?
I am greedy when it comes to love. I want love that is unlimited, enormous, "my heart skips a bit when I receive a test message from that man" love, where "I'm lost without him" love! Is that too much to ask? Really?
Can I have that passionate love second time around?
How many times we fall truly in love in our lives? Once?
I'm going to make my birthday wish now... :) :) :)
